Thursday, February 16, 2012

Not my Idea

I'm reminded today of the moment I wrestled with God about adoption. It was a time in my life that I could have done anything. I'm a stay at home mom but I could go into leadership in bible study. I had the opportunity to teach kids full time at our church. But God had other plans. I was listening to a former pastor at our church speak one Sunday and the topic was 'Jesus Isn't Quiet'. Dave Nelson said this,"You know when it's Jesus speaking to you when it's something you wouldn't have thought up on your own, and when it just doesn't go away". Wow! You know when I went back to hear the message again he didn't say that part. It stuck with me.
I just finished the book The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Sterns. It challenges readers to get up and do something. You may not know what it is but are you willing? I prayed to God that He would use my life in a mighty way. So God said,'adopt'! And I told God no! Multiple times. I came across magazine articles and pictures of friend's adopted kids and I couldn't shake it. It was everywhere. I kept this from Scott for a few days until I thought if I told him he would tell me I was crazy and put an end to it all. To my surprise, without hesitation, he said,"let's do it"!
This was insane. We were almost 40! Our kids were so settled in their routine and this would mess up room assignments in the house and vacations. I just sold all our toys and books at a garage sale that summer. We have nothing! I'm a planner. Scott and I were going to travel more, do missions together. It was so upside down! It was like I heard God audibly say,"Exactly"! Matthew 16:25-Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me (Jesus) will find it.
I asked God to bring our kids on board and within days Blaire brought it up, all without ever talking about adoption before. Soon Jacob was praying and agreed.
That was over two years ago. I'm challenged again to get up and do something and keep reminding God I already agreed to this adoption. What more does He want? If I'm serious about following Jesus, it's on going. Read the book The Hole in our Gospel but beware. God is on the move.

My adoption update: They are processing cases from the area my daughter is from and her region is next. I read this today. Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Emotional Roller Coaster

I used to be a roller coaster fan!  I remember my first experience. I was coaxed by my oldest sister who ensured me I would be alright.  Because she would go on with me I put my trust in her at 8 years old....and I survived.  Even though this same very old wooden coaster called The Flyer was the place of many accidents on the Exhibition grounds in Toronto.   It has since been removed from the Ex.
I had a similar incident with my daughter when she was about 7 or 8 when we dragged her on North America's longest wooden roller coaster (in Ohio).  I kept looking back to see if she was ok while most of the time her face was buried into her Daddy's chest.  I thought for sure she would cry at the end and be upset with me for telling her she'd be ok.  The photo captured during the ride would convince anyone that we were bad parents for taking her on at such a young age.  But, Blaire is a strong girl and after she walked off the ride she smiled and said, 'let's go on it again'! 
I was reminded of these two incidents when our pastor at church spoke last night and said, 'Truth will lead you to trust every time'.  My daughter and I trusted in the truth we heard about our safety. When we read about the disciples riding in a boat with Jesus and a storm threatens their life they freak out and yell, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?". Well, don't I find myself feeling this way when I hear bad news about our adoption case? A sharp turn on the roller coaster and we hear the government is putting things on hold.  "Lord, do you not care about us or our daughter?"  Then I'm reminded of the truth.  Just like the disciples had Jesus, He is watching over us and my daughter.  (heading up the exciting hill with anticipation) When I fear and doubt I'm reminded that we have a promise.  I know God has our daughter in His hands.  His ways are higher than mine.  Just when I think  I could have a court day tomorrow we dip down on the roller coaster and told now the courts are closed for three weeks.  More waiting time. 
Every twist and turn in life is the journey.  My journey is created just for me.  I have to tell myself every day to just strap myself in, sit back and throw my hands up in surrender. Enjoy the ride!

Read Luke 8:22-25 and give God your fear.

Favorite roller coasters: Millenium Force at Cedar Point, The Dragster at Cedar Point, The Beast at Kings Island, The Minebuster at Canada's Wonderland, Fire and Ice at Islands of Adventure, New York New York rooftop coaster in Vegas.
The best by far?  Adoption! and Can't wait to see the snapshot of our faces when we get to meet our daugther for the first time.