Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Its a Mom thing

I guess this wouldn't be a true blog if I didn't share about the rough days of motherhood.  I mean if you read this and consider adoption you have to hear about the good and bad.  Also, I love bragging about my daughter and every child gives a mother grief at some point in their life.  Yesterday, was one of those days.  When you read about bringing home an adopted child its suggested that you should make life simple for at least two months so they adapt to mom and dad and the core family.  Well, add in my sister who lives with us, my son's serious girlfriend, and friends that are like family, and you will see Zoe has a lot of people in her life to get used to.  God's timing is perfect and she was given to us at a crazy time in the Clode household; birthday month!  Every two days in June we are celebrating someone including Father's Day and 2013 is graduation central!  Let's just say the Clodes are partying a little more than usual.  I think back on the last 7 weeks and recall when Zoe used to fuss about having to wear a dress, now she wants to be in one all day long.  In the orphanage they said she loved shoes and for what I saw there was one pair of crocs she had to fight for daily.  Well, crocs won't be found in the Clode household but Nike was one of Zoe's first American words. She has about 8 or 9 pairs to choose from.  Have I created a three year old Diva?  We kind of had a meltdown over what pair to wear yesterday (and when I say we I mean the three year old.)  She screams like no other and at this moment she felt the need to hit me.  I could feel the pressure to discipline and I have to be 'creative'.  My usual is to be separated from this little one so she realizes I'm not giving in nor do I appreciate her screams!  I bring her to her room, plunk her on her bed (I'm allowed to plunk, right?) a run to my room.  This particular day we had guests and I'm embarrassed.  Now, my kids have been fabulous with this little intruder to their life.  They love her to death and help out a lot!  Blaire runs to calm her down and the next minute I see her happily getting the attention from teenage girls.  What more does a three year old need? The issue still stares me in the face.  She needs shoes on to go out in the car to drive said teens home.  I get her shoes on, she screams again and I try and put a wiggly toddler in the car seat (I hope the neighbors understand) and by the time I drive down the driveway, I'm crying uncontrollably and she's singing her rendition of the alphabet 'ADCD's'.  I can't stop crying.  I feel like a failure.  She doesn't like me.  I feel like she's going to cry about getting her hair washed and going to bed and for eating all her food in her bowl before getting a cookie FOREVER!  I've let many people put Zoe to bed so I can get a break in the evening but after two weeks of that she doesn't want me to put her to bed anymore.  A mother can't live with that kind of rejection!  Last night I cancelled belated birthday plans (ME celebrations can wait) and got into Zoe's bedtime routine.  She truly is adorable, loving books and singing my bedtime songs and if it takes me a while to sing her to sleep, so be it.  Ecclesiastes 3:1 says 'For everything there is a season'; verse 4 -' a time to weep, a time to laugh'; verse 11 - 'He has made everything beautiful in it's time.  Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.' Maybe this is taken out of context but I know this stage will pass. 
And so I come to the end of my thoughts and Zoe peeks at me from my bed (seriously, she just woke up) and I smile.  I get to share another day with my beautiful daughter and feel so blessed. 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

I am freed!

When you are robbed of your personal possessions it leaves you with a feeling of being violated.  Expecting to have a fun day exploring the city with family and friends and coming back to the car to find broken glass next to your car.  Its not just in Detroit.  This happened 16 years ago in the 'safe' city of Burlington, Ontario.  The stolen item? The baby bag!  The first time my wallet was sitting right on top of the bag and if they see it, they will come.  Well, I did leave a bright red baby bag on the car seat in Detroit but after hearing about other break ins that same day it makes me wonder could it have happened anyway? To the person who had fun breaking into cars on Saturday, May 25;
It was mine and you decided you wanted it.  I earned it and someone taught you to believe that has no value to you.  You get by in life by taking from others' hard earned money.  You decided that you would break my car window and take what you thought was a purse but in fact it was my daughters baby bag. I wish all you found was my daughters favorite book, a hand-me-down outfit, some diapers and wipes but my Canon camera was buried in the bottom of that mess.  I just used it days before to capture my son's senior honors night that doesn't have any value to you whatsoever!  Luckily, I downloaded my pictures from Ethiopia but feel free to look at them and see poverty worse than your own and maybe it would lead you to grow a conscience.  Clearly no one cared to pay attention to you breaking our car window so you took the time to look around and found my purse 'hidden' on the floor of the car. A leather purse that I purchased in Ethiopia,( so, sentimental to me), sunglasses that my kids gave me for my birthday last year and a few family photos throughout my wallet.  No cash but just one credit card that you so eagerly ran off with and used at the nearest gas station.  It took about two days to give up my worldly possessions and not be upset with you.  Until yesterday when I discovered another item you stole from me.  An expensive little item tucked away in the change purse of my wallet.  Are you an amateur or did you check every crevice of my bag?  Did you find the 1/2 caret diamond earring I placed there the day I got a double piercing? No tears anymore.  Maybe a little anger but then I had to laugh.  See, some of these things can be replaced and the others aren't that important.  Not when I think of having my family and friends and the love of God in my life.  My relationship with God keeps me sane in times like these.  I believe in doing what's right.  I believe in eternal life.  I believe in the Bible and immediately the verse in Matthew 6:19-20 came to mind; 'Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where theives can break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.'  And then in verse 21 it says, 'For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'  Praying you see this to be true one day and repent and God will forgive.
 And so I breathe a sigh of relief singing It is Well With My Soul in church last night.  I am free indeed!