Today I was looking back on a journal I began writing when we first started our adoption journey. I wrote,
'Lord, where are you taking me? I'm entering a world, a journey, I know nothing about. Being so helpless, poor and alone that I cannot care for my own child. I don't personally know anyone who lives like this, yet is this my child's birth mom? Is she too young, or sick or has other children and cannot feed another? I will take them. Let me be your hands and feet to help a girl who can't bear to be separated from their child but has no choice. Let me be her answered prayer.'
Reading back on my journals remind me of the incredible miracle we have in Zoe. We are approaching her 3rd Gotcha Day on April 12 and I'm always reminiscent of the events and thoughts and prayers that lead us to being her parents. I write an update on her growth and development every year and send it to our agency in hopes that this will allow Ethiopia and other countries support the adoption effort that is so needed. Just a couple of months after we brought Zoe home her orphanage shut down and the children who were 'left' were sent back to their villages. I cannot even imagine. I support the way our agency chose a child for us rather than us looking through pictures and choosing one that stood out to us. We were on the journey to choose two children at one time. We were told it's a longer wait for a sibling group but we could wait. In my journal, I was reminded of some government changes towards adoption cases. We still were giving this to God and waited for two children to show up for us to adopt. Scott went to Haiti during the aftermath of the earthquake at that time and obviously was struck by the huge orphan crisis in Haiti. I wrote about God softening our hearts to possibly one child in Ethiopia and one from Haiti. I'm so glad I documented my thoughts. The process was full of changes and answered prayers along the way. How could I rely on anything but God in this situation? He knew the big picture. I would wake at night worrying for our child. On Mar.11'11 I wrote about reading Mark 14. In preparing for the Passover with Jesus some disciples were instructed to go to a city and find a man and follow him to his home etc. and in verse 16 it says,'and the disciples left, went into the city and found things just as Jesus had told them.' I always think about how Jesus could just get the essentials himself. Make them appear and still amaze his friends. Just like he could make this government block disappear. Allow Zoe to come home and not endure life in an orphanage. I asked God many times why we were jumping through unnecessary hoops to do a good thing. God says take care of the orphans and we wanted to but why did it take three years? The disciples got to go on a journey and watch how every detail of this Passover feast was unfolding by following His every step. We took lots of steps I had forgotten about. That's why I journal.
Saying yes to God never comes up short. I'm listening to the audio book titled, 'What Happens When Women Say Yes To God'. Lysa Terkeurst says,'Don't look at your inabilities and give into your insecurities.' 'In my disobedience what am I missing?' If I didn't say yes to adoption look at what I would have missed out on!
We waited three years for Zoe and now we have had her in our care for three years. How can that be? My yearly update included how Zoe loves school. She has been a great world traveler. She eats well and growing like a weed. She is getting better at sports and loves to read.
I often Facebook about the crazy things Zoe comes up with and I want to leave you with what I documented on Feb. 27'16
Tonight Zoe asked Scott to read her about Jesus' death. So they read the bible and she said, 'What is rich?' Scott answered. 'What is poor'? Scott answered. Then Zoe said, 'I was poor.' Scott told her that her birth mommy loved her very much and God had a plan for her. Zoe answered, 'ya, to be with you guys.' It makes me cry every time!
Psalm 22 is a cry for help by David. Verse 24 says,'For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.'
I thank God that He listened to the cry for help by two moms and for their worlds to collide. We were each other's answered prayer.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
I recently read a great blog someone reposted on Facebook. I agreed wholeheartedly with her parenting tips. It was clever and witty and I wished I wrote the blog myself. Then I thought, is that what I'm doing? Trying to write the best blog? Get the most likes? Be heard? Then I sat in silence for about 30 minutes. That's a long time, I know. Kids are sleeping, Scott is out of town and even the dog we are watching is cooperating with the silence I'm experiencing.
I am a big note taker. I think I've admitted that before. I love sticky notes and journals and what the heck did I ever do before I had an apple phone with a note taking app. And don't get me started on life without Siri. From grocery lists, to birthdays, I can't retain these simple items in my brain anymore. I find myself arguing with Scott more often about not remembering his schedule and blame him for not telling me, when I probably just didn't listen (better yet blame Siri for dropping the ball).
Every single day I laugh at something my kids say or am amazed at what God teaches me or marvel at the wisdom that comes out of Scott's mouth (that's going to score me some brownie points). So I write them down. Blogs form in my head all the time and most days they don't go out into internet space ( yes I just called it that). So I had to ask myself; do I blog for others to learn from my infamous wisdom? Heck no. My blogging started when I first accepted weakness in my life and felt the need that it was therapeutic to spill my guts to the world ( I known that not many people read this thing). It's easier then making an appointment with someone who will listen and analyze my thoughts. Way cheaper too.
Internet therapy. I blog to remember. I blog for sanity. I love reading other people's blogs too. Another searching soul who shares their scars, mistakes and triumphs. That's what we do every day. So in my 30 minutes of silence I want to remember four things today.
- I was not made to live my life alone. God has given me a wonderful spouse for life, kids to raise and love on and friends who make me a better person.
- I must stop beating myself up for forgetting. I try to remember people's birthdays, surgery dates and prayer requests. But we all have crazy lives and forgetting doesn't always mean I don't care. Its more about discernment. What thought, care or task will occupy my brain today? I will give grace to others when they forget my junk too.
- Life is short. Dare I say 'seize the day'. I don't know how long I have on this earth so make the most of every day. For me that doesn't just mean I do things to keep myself happy and comfortable but to allow God to guide my steps each day to make my day worthwhile.
- Remember where I came from and I don't mean Canada. I mean my upbringing. My faith in Jesus Christ. Joshua 24 reminds me of the testimony he gave to his people before he died,'who will you serve?' Then declared in verse 14, 'as for me and my house I will serve the Lord'.
There. A simple list.
Today I'm planning on scrapbooking with a friend and place memories in a book that my kids can have around for life. What will you remember today? Maybe it's time to start your own blog.