Monday, December 24, 2012

Do I really have time for this?

I sent out Christmas cards early this year.  We had such a fun year to review that I found it easy to pick out some great pictures of the family to highlight our best times.  We went to baseball playoff games, we traveled with our kids individually and I got to travel to New York and Ethiopia in the last couple of months.  We celebrated 20 years of marriage with 20 wonderful friends and made new friends through our World Vision marathon endeavor.  We supported many water well projects and I found Africa to be on my mind more this year than ever before.  We went through heartache and celebrated successes.  Our newest success is that our son, Jacob, got accepted to the University of Michigan.  But this week represents the week that we should have been in Ethiopia last year.  Our court date was December 21, 2011 and we were very upset to find out the program was being restructured so our plan was postponed.  Lately, I wake up early, finding myself praying for my little girl I had the privilege to hold and laugh with only a couple of months ago.  I have found myself waking up totally frightened that I may never get my court date.  I haven't blogged since October because I never knew what to write about.  Maybe you want to hear about my dislike in the international adoption process, my fear of never getting to adopt my daughter or maybe the frustration I've had with God and His plan for how long all of this is taking.   Not particularly happy Christmas thoughts.  When I go off and want to cry and scream I have to say God's word is always my comfort.  It's not always me knowing where to look - in fact, it's never that. It's wonderful people who have come into my life that share with me what God has brought to them.

These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"  Habakkuk 2:3      - Living Bible Translation

My friend sent this to me after a long overdue FaceTime conversation.  I shared about our newest development; Just that we are waiting on paperwork to be signed and people aren't available to sign my daughter over to us.   Slowly! Steadily! I was reminded in our wonderful Christmas program at church yesterday that this was not my vision.  This calling to adopt came out of just being willing and wow, I did not expect any of this.  So, I'm glad I didn't take pictures that captured my hopelessness and ones that showed me crying.  I know new pictures of Scott meeting our daughter will come very soon and pictures of my kids playing with their new sister will be taken soon enough. This time next year I can sit in our wonderful Christmas program and watch my daughter share in the lighting of the candles (Blaire's favorite part).  May we all take a moment to sit in silence and remember our Savior's birth and I hope it has new meaning to you for 2013.  I hope we all have time for that!