Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Not Your Typical New Year's Resolution

I like celebrating New Year's.  I like making New Year's resolutions.  I think because I like new beginnings. Now at my age, I like to reflect back and take stock of my life.  2014 was a year of travel for me. I think March was the only month I didn't go away somewhere.   I traveled with family, with friends, with my parents and even once just with Zoe.  I saw new sights, I revisited old places and I experienced new things.  This is definitely a year to remember!  Back in 2012, I began this blog to mainly break out of my comfort zone and share what's going on in my head, open up about my mistakes, and to share teaching moments.  I called it "Your journey matters" and originally thought it would be more about my adoption journey.  I love the places I've been to, and funny enough I even enjoy the packing and unpacking. But the day to day journey is reality.  I've always struggled with what my purpose here on earth is.  How can God use me?  I usually think of big things.  Some big job He has for me. Something other than motherhood or being a homemaker.  It's a woman thing I guess.  Then I found myself peeking into 2015. Switzerland? Hawaii? No, the reality journey.  I read my devotion to find these words.

Marvel at the beauty of a life intertwined with My (Jesus) Presence.  Rejoice as we journey together in intimate communion.  Enjoy the adventure of finding yourself through losing yourself in Me.  

Whoa! Sadly, that's what I've been missing in 2014.  A more intimate communion with God.  Finding out what that looks like will likely take a few more blogs, but I'm pretty sure it means reading His word.  The Bible.  I teach it to kids at church, I teach it to Zoe and my older two kids and I've shared it with people who needed it.  But I lack the humble accounts with my Lord and Savior.  This is not to make me feel better, or a magic formula for a safe life.  It's what He asks of me.
So 2015 will be another journey for Bev Clode.  I'm ready to buckle up, look up from my phone and engage in other's lives.  I want to look out the window and marvel at where God will take me.  Maybe I blog about it or maybe keep it to myself.  Either way my prayer is that this time next year I will be changed.  Who's with me?
Happy New Year!

2015 Theme Verse;
John 15:4
Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 

A Quote from Dr. Seuss;
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!” 

Monday, December 15, 2014

Button pressed moments

That button pressed moment! Come on, we all have them.  We don't wake up in the morning and say 'I'm going to be grumpy with my kids today'.  We all have good intentions (granted these little ones weren't the cause of our interrupted sleep) and we set out to be patient and loving (granted they woke up dry and you don't have to clean up anything right off the bat).  I'm kidding - a little.  We want to see those sleepy happy faces to put a smile on our face.  Seriously though, Zoe is one happy morning kid.  She announces when she's dry and she has been looking forward to waking to her 'book a day' event counting down to Christmas Day.  How can I be grumpy with her? Well, it happens.  This Saturday I wanted to squeeze in a few errands before her weekend swim lesson.  I was joyful when she asked for more fruit with her waffles.  I freely gave her a drink on command and I even had on cheery Christmas music.  She asked for more syrup and I was patient when she dripped on her pjs, and when blueberries fell to the floor.  Now it was my time.  I'm getting errands done.  Errand number 1; run into a store and return something.  Easy. No looking around (it's a small store) and we were early enough to beat the Christmas traffic.  I pull into the parking lot and my perceptive girl groans 'not shopping'! BUTTON PUSHED!  'Are you kidding me?', I snapped.  I go around to her door and clearly annoyed I say, 'get out and come with me'.  A young lady is also in the parking lot and glares at me.  Oh she overheard my raised voice.  You know the stare that judges your every parental decision.  I look back and fake smile. All is fine over here, thank you very much.  We walk into the store and Zoe knows not to touch or say anything.  We are literally three minutes and now I'm a little more joyfilled again.  Still feeling guilty though because Zoe isn't talking to me and she clearly doesn't know why I got angry with her.  Why do I do this daily? Its training and teaching and disciplining all day long.  It's not that I don't feel appreciated.  It's sometimes that I don't hear enough thank yous.  But I know now, having two teenagers, that you get those later in life.  I know I've been guilty of dishing out the judging stare at the mom that is snapping at her kids in a high pressure situation.  I just want to show grace in this moment.  I don't know what she's dealing with.  I don't know her daily struggles. I just walked into her 'button pressed moment' and I should leave it at that. Grace! A glance and a smile that says 'this moment too shall pass and it will all work out'.  Maybe being a seasoned mother now, these moments don't give me as much guilt as they did back when the other kids were little.  I still hate it when Dr. Jekyll comes out with little warning but at least with a cheerful 5 year old that just wants to hang with mom I can smile and count my blessings at the end of the day.  Christmas stress be gone.  I would love to say if we start our day with a prayer and reading of the Bible this won't happen.  Not true, however, when God's word is in our hearts it will pop up to remind ourselves for correction.  This little gem popped up two minutes after I finished jotting down my thoughts for this blog.  Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

Isaiah 50:4
The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.  He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.