Today I was looking back on a journal I began writing when we first started our adoption journey. I wrote,
'Lord, where are you taking me? I'm entering a world, a journey, I know nothing about. Being so helpless, poor and alone that I cannot care for my own child. I don't personally know anyone who lives like this, yet is this my child's birth mom? Is she too young, or sick or has other children and cannot feed another? I will take them. Let me be your hands and feet to help a girl who can't bear to be separated from their child but has no choice. Let me be her answered prayer.'
Reading back on my journals remind me of the incredible miracle we have in Zoe. We are approaching her 3rd Gotcha Day on April 12 and I'm always reminiscent of the events and thoughts and prayers that lead us to being her parents. I write an update on her growth and development every year and send it to our agency in hopes that this will allow Ethiopia and other countries support the adoption effort that is so needed. Just a couple of months after we brought Zoe home her orphanage shut down and the children who were 'left' were sent back to their villages. I cannot even imagine. I support the way our agency chose a child for us rather than us looking through pictures and choosing one that stood out to us. We were on the journey to choose two children at one time. We were told it's a longer wait for a sibling group but we could wait. In my journal, I was reminded of some government changes towards adoption cases. We still were giving this to God and waited for two children to show up for us to adopt. Scott went to Haiti during the aftermath of the earthquake at that time and obviously was struck by the huge orphan crisis in Haiti. I wrote about God softening our hearts to possibly one child in Ethiopia and one from Haiti. I'm so glad I documented my thoughts. The process was full of changes and answered prayers along the way. How could I rely on anything but God in this situation? He knew the big picture. I would wake at night worrying for our child. On Mar.11'11 I wrote about reading Mark 14. In preparing for the Passover with Jesus some disciples were instructed to go to a city and find a man and follow him to his home etc. and in verse 16 it says,'and the disciples left, went into the city and found things just as Jesus had told them.' I always think about how Jesus could just get the essentials himself. Make them appear and still amaze his friends. Just like he could make this government block disappear. Allow Zoe to come home and not endure life in an orphanage. I asked God many times why we were jumping through unnecessary hoops to do a good thing. God says take care of the orphans and we wanted to but why did it take three years? The disciples got to go on a journey and watch how every detail of this Passover feast was unfolding by following His every step. We took lots of steps I had forgotten about. That's why I journal.
Saying yes to God never comes up short. I'm listening to the audio book titled, 'What Happens When Women Say Yes To God'. Lysa Terkeurst says,'Don't look at your inabilities and give into your insecurities.' 'In my disobedience what am I missing?' If I didn't say yes to adoption look at what I would have missed out on!
We waited three years for Zoe and now we have had her in our care for three years. How can that be? My yearly update included how Zoe loves school. She has been a great world traveler. She eats well and growing like a weed. She is getting better at sports and loves to read.
I often Facebook about the crazy things Zoe comes up with and I want to leave you with what I documented on Feb. 27'16
Tonight Zoe asked Scott to read her about Jesus' death. So they read the bible and she said, 'What is rich?' Scott answered. 'What is poor'? Scott answered. Then Zoe said, 'I was poor.' Scott told her that her birth mommy loved her very much and God had a plan for her. Zoe answered, 'ya, to be with you guys.' It makes me cry every time!
Psalm 22 is a cry for help by David. Verse 24 says,'For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.'
I thank God that He listened to the cry for help by two moms and for their worlds to collide. We were each other's answered prayer.