Proud moments

Hello to my blog world.  I don't know if anyone reads these but like a fellow blogger friend shared with me once, 'it's really an outlet on my feelings'.  She even said she wished she could write a blog that no one would read.  Although I get it, we laughed and said I guess that would be old-fashioned journal writing.  I do keep a journal; many in fact.  Just certain moments require a different outlet.  Since I haven't published anything in 2013 I thought I could jot down a few moments to sum up the last two months.
I've become somewhat of a homebody lately.  Since I am a 'homemaker' I do laundry every day and make my family dinner and run errands.  Rejecting gym invitations and having to be somewhere is unlike me.  But I do feel like my world will be turned upside down and I will have to create a 'new normal'.  Sometimes I still can't believe I'm adopting!  I hate the phrase 'i'm in my adoption process'.  And what a long one it has been.  I continually catch myself saying something negative and then realize I'm insulting God's perfect timing.  I read the other day and made my facebook status 'a grateful heart protects you from negative thinking'.  That's for sure! I love hearing about someone's adoption story.  They are all uniquely beautiful.  Who am I to tell God how to script mine? Like I'm a better writer? Each time I share my story with someone for the first time and I get to the part where I have a friend in Ethiopia whom I met at Capernwray Bible School in Texas 24 years ago, and she lives 5 minutes away from my daughter's orphanage and she visits and gives me 'extra' updates and pictures, I love the person's reaction.  I get goosebumps.  What a blessing!
I have been feeling many new feelings lately.  Watching my biological children grow and exceed their goals and becoming wonderful, mature adults.  Jacob, my oldest, got accepted to the University of Michigan (U of M) and made me cry when I read one of his application essays 'one reason why I want to go to U of M is that it is close enough to home to visit my family as I will have an adopted sister to get to know'.  Cry! Then he swims his last swim meet last week earning four medals by reaching his best swim times in his four year career.  Cry! My daughter,Blaire  is talking about helping others and sticking up for her faith and morals in many situations. Cry! To top it all off, today I receive a video from my baby's orphanage, and witness her softly talking to the caregiver and gently feeding a stuffed dog and taking care of a stuffed Mickey.  I thought I was getting just a short update on her weight, height, etc. and when I hit print my printer kept spitting out full page pictures of my 3 1/2 year old standing on one foot, pointing to her eyes and ears when instructed, smiling and looking all too cute and healthy. Cry! Wow, I think I'm going to stay inside, on this cold, snowy morning a little while longer, relishing in God's goodness.
Oh, before I forget, I want to let you all know that my baby's birth mother will go to court March 8 to relinquish her rights a final time.  Pray for her.  Then we should get a court date to go visit maybe 6 weeks later! Cry!
I Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

Do I really have time for this?

I sent out Christmas cards early this year.  We had such a fun year to review that I found it easy to pick out some great pictures of the family to highlight our best times.  We went to baseball playoff games, we traveled with our kids individually and I got to travel to New York and Ethiopia in the last couple of months.  We celebrated 20 years of marriage with 20 wonderful friends and made new friends through our World Vision marathon endeavor.  We supported many water well projects and I found Africa to be on my mind more this year than ever before.  We went through heartache and celebrated successes.  Our newest success is that our son, Jacob, got accepted to the University of Michigan.  But this week represents the week that we should have been in Ethiopia last year.  Our court date was December 21, 2011 and we were very upset to find out the program was being restructured so our plan was postponed.  Lately, I wake up early, finding myself praying for my little girl I had the privilege to hold and laugh with only a couple of months ago.  I have found myself waking up totally frightened that I may never get my court date.  I haven't blogged since October because I never knew what to write about.  Maybe you want to hear about my dislike in the international adoption process, my fear of never getting to adopt my daughter or maybe the frustration I've had with God and His plan for how long all of this is taking.   Not particularly happy Christmas thoughts.  When I go off and want to cry and scream I have to say God's word is always my comfort.  It's not always me knowing where to look - in fact, it's never that. It's wonderful people who have come into my life that share with me what God has brought to them.

These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"  Habakkuk 2:3      - Living Bible Translation

My friend sent this to me after a long overdue FaceTime conversation.  I shared about our newest development; Just that we are waiting on paperwork to be signed and people aren't available to sign my daughter over to us.   Slowly! Steadily! I was reminded in our wonderful Christmas program at church yesterday that this was not my vision.  This calling to adopt came out of just being willing and wow, I did not expect any of this.  So, I'm glad I didn't take pictures that captured my hopelessness and ones that showed me crying.  I know new pictures of Scott meeting our daughter will come very soon and pictures of my kids playing with their new sister will be taken soon enough. This time next year I can sit in our wonderful Christmas program and watch my daughter share in the lighting of the candles (Blaire's favorite part).  May we all take a moment to sit in silence and remember our Savior's birth and I hope it has new meaning to you for 2013.  I hope we all have time for that!

Coincidence? I think not!

I was preparing to speak at a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group last week. I had the privilege of speaking about our well-drilling opportunities in Tanzania, and talk about my adoption process. How we were called to adopt is a great story. We hit some bumps in the road but after I shed some tears and feel sorry for myself, I look to the Bible for some comfort. I mean it has been a long unknown wait. I told the young moms to 'plunge' (their years theme) into God's word and I must say this is where I draw strength. I also told them to 'plunge' into the unknown and was reminded of a story from the Bible in Acts 10 but also retold in the book called, Wide Awake, by Erwin McManus. Two men, Cornelius and Peter, from different backgrounds and not interested in one another and highly unlikely to ever meet up. But God orchestrated a great meeting for the two to come together and why? For God's glory. For Him to get the credit. I used this story at MOPS to illustrate how we limit our vision. I quoted McManus and said,'God isn't simply trying to inspire you but call you to a more heroic life'. It's such a cool story, I urge you to read it. The day after , I looked up my daily devotion that was called In Motion and it was based on Acts 10. I start out reading, 'there are no coincidences in life. I work in unexpected ways to set just the right people in positions where they can do the greatest good.'
I started reading it for me. It reaffirmed the whole timing of my adoption. It is not in vain. The fact that I have a friend I met 23 years ago in Texas, living in Ethiopia now, minutes from my daughter is not a coincidence. If I were to say,'How lucky am I' who would get all the credit? Acts 10:22 says,'Cornelius...was divinely directed by a holy angel to call you to his house and to hear a message from you.' The devotion ends with saying,'I've already set in motion to bring about a good result.' I believe this with all my heart.
I haven't quoted a song in a while and these days I'm loving Mark Schultz song, All Things Possible.
I know mountains can move
I've seen what You can do
In my weakness
So my heart will believe
If I wait I will see
My God doing, what only He can do

And when that song comes on the radio it's never a coincidence.

The Adoption Marathon

I'm happy to say my Chicago Marathon #2 is over! My best time yet and I'm recovering very well. I have been training for about 8 months and the training paid off. A marathon is a funny thing. Your body is ready but your mind plays tricks on you between mile 18-24. A time period that has you hating life and everything in it and makes you wonder why you ever paid money and signed yourself up to such a crazy event. But mile 24 comes around and you start to pick yourself up. The end is nearing and you know you can endure the pain to get through to victory. Crossing the finish line makes me want to hug strangers (don't worry I didn't) but it also brings on the tears. You realize what you've just been through and you praise God it's over! Well, my running training is done (for now) but I'm in another marathon in my life. One that makes me not wonder why I signed up but one that keeps me in the mile 18-24 zone. Adoption is a beautiful thing! I'm happy for the families I know that have been enjoying their kids they have received through adoption and I keep waiting for my happy reunion. When does this race end? I have to be honest, today was a hard 'training' day. One where I let my mind go to the unhappy place. The place where I sat and looked at all my pictures and videos I have of my daugther from my visit back in September and asked God 'why so long'? I allowed my body to break down and sob. You know, the kind of sobbing that worries the dog. Reese came over and put her paw on my lap and I just laid down, cuddling her tight for comfort. My friend reminded me I'm in the toughest marathon yet. She reminded me that even when my muscles are cramping and sore I continue to run. She said, it's not about the time but about crossing the finish line. So, I'm praying for mile 25. That's when I get a court date. And mile 26 is when we will return to bring her home. During the Chicago marathon I ran with family (Jacob stayed with me for 11 miles) and had Blaire cheering along the streets with other friends and church family. It was so great to hear people call out my name, cheering me to victory. That's really what gets me through. I have a great cheering section during my adoption marathon. Many have said the right thing at the right time and pray constantly for our daughter and paperwork to be signed in Ethiopia. I could never get through this alone. I don't know how people can get through life's trials without knowing God is in control. It's only because I've trusted God over and over that I can be sure He cares and loves me and loves my daughter more than I ever could.
Acts 20:24 'I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.'

Running for Clean Water

I just ran another 9 miles today for my marathon training. I sometimes really enjoy running by myself. The other day I was weak and needed our training group to encourage me and get me through but today was an 'all the stars were properly aligned' run and I felt great! Sunshine, cool breeze, I was singing out loud to great tunes, I sped up my last mile and felt like I could run more. Now, talk to me after my 20 miler next week but I'm going to revel in this feeling for a while. I run with a bottle of water in my hand. A cold, clean bottle of refreshing water. I can clearly picture myself walking with a bucket of water on my head for about a 1/4 mile from a well to the nearest village. This was when we visited Tanzania and rejoiced with the women that only had to walk that far to bring clean water to their families. What about all the women that have to walk farther and for disease-ridden water at that? Its the saddest thing. Something as easy as turning on a tap is taken for granted until you are met face to face with a woman with the same dreams for her children as myself. I'm running the Chicago Marathon Oct. 7 with World Vision and supposed to raise money to put in new wells in Kenya. I haven't even begun my fundraising and shame on me. I'm terrible at asking for people to raise money but if we didn't buy 5 bottles of water or 5 cups of coffee this week and gave $10 to this cause it would add up quickly. So, I will be starting up a webpage this week and I will shamelessly ask for donations. I have the privilege of going to Ethiopia in 10 days. I will be visiting a friend and have a chance to meet my daughter for the first time. I hope to run there too. I want to breathe in the African air and let it soak in that at this point in my life I'm capable of running and making a difference. I will cry and laugh and rejoice that God has given my family this blessing to make a difference in a little girl's life. Just one step at a time, just one dollar at a time, one well, one life. The race is 40 days away. Will you support this great cause?

Surrender

Usually that word conjures up feelings of weakness or giving up. Waving the white flag of surrender can mean,'I can't handle this anymore, I'm done - you win, I lose.' I guess it matters who you are waving the white flag to. I'm currently reading a book called Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren. I know, I started this book a while ago and referenced it before in my blogs but I'm reading it with a friend and soaking up all the goodness. "Prayers of surrender have the power to radically alter the course of our lives" I remember when we first said YES to adoption. It hit me so strongly that I fought it for a few days. But when I let go of what I thought my future would hold I had a great sense of peace. Then it was this fun announcement that we were going to have a little one around again that involved toys, Sesame Street,cute tiny clothing and everyone was excited for us. Then I remember someone at our agency telling us that adoption isn't cute! Well, we are at the 10 month mark of waiting for a court date since we first got matched with our little girl. Her 3rd birthday is on Sunday and I can't lie, it's been difficult to wait. In the third chapter of the same book, I read about being 'Gloriously Ruined'. Its what happens to you when you step out of your comfort zone. When you embrace an uncomfortable act like volunteer in your city's homeless shelter or care for the sick. I guess I've been Gloriously Ruined when we said yes to God's plan. Scott's aunt wrote us after our latest adoption update and it touched me so much. She said,'I'm praying that the Lord will become dearer in such a way that looking back you would be unwilling to give up these difficult experiences if it meant not knowing the Lord in the ways you have learned of Him through them.' What thing in your life are you afraid of embracing, saying yes to, surrendering to? Having even a little faith in a big God is enough to get you through. Who knows what you're missing out on. 2 Corinthians 12:9 - The Lord said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." P.S. Thanks to everyone who asks about our daughter and our case and to those who are praying. We're still waiting on paperwork to be approved on the adoption home front through a new Ethiopian procedure. Great things are happening though, and our daughter will have a birthday party today with cake with my friend who lives there.

Why I Run

I began this blog when I thought it would be good for me to write about our adoption experience. It's still alive but just not moving. I know God has not forgotten about us and with each monthly update and pictures of our precious daughter I long for her more. My newest update on Friday just made me break down and cry because I'm missing out on all the new learning experiences. But today I'm reminded of Psalm 115:1 "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." So, I continue on with life. Blaire is entering her high school years and Jacob is entering his senior year! We are planning some summer fun and of course, training for the Chicago Marathon this Fall. I run with a group from our church , all running for World Vision and raising money for clean water in Kenya! So, when we meet each Saturday for our group run we listen to a team member to tell us 'why I run' and this Saturday was my turn. I was running the 6 mile loop one gorgeous, sunny, calm morning when I noticed I was running with a grin from ear to ear. I started to think about why I run and three words came to me. They all conveniently start with the letter 'M'. So here they are; MOTIVATION: I have loved running since I was a kid. I ran track and cross-country but didn't begin running races in my adult life until about 7 years ago. I started out with 5K's and 10K's then a few duathalons but a marathon was never on my radar. Scott came to me two years ago and announced he wanted to run the Chicago marathon and did in 2010. I followed him around the city and spotted him four times and at the end he saw the look on my face (it must have been that ear-to-ear silly grin) and said,'you are so running this next year'. He signed me up and motivated me to train all summer. After my marathon a friend told me that I motivated her to run her first marathon and she did this past February. Jacob is also running his first in Chicago this year and I'd like to think we had something to do with that decision. I get motivated every Saturday morning running with our church group and listening to their fabulous stories. You never know who you are motivating so keep sharing your running stories. MUSIC: I love listening to my music! If I'm not running and talking to someone I have my earphones in. I remember mile 24 in Chicago and I was ready to quit. Pressing On by Reliant K came on and got me moving again. The song Running Down A Dream by Tom Petty is great any time throughout a run. Sometimes certain songs remind me of certain people so I find myself praying for them. I listed my favorite 10 songs to run to on Saturday so here they are; Discotheque - U2, Black and Gold - Sam Sparro, The Veil - David Crowder Band, Everybody Wants You - Billy Squier, The War Inside - Switchfoot, Rebel Yell - Billy Idol, Whyyawannabringmedown - Kelly Clarkson, Pressing On - Reliant K, Runnin' Down A Dream - Tom Petty, Feel So Close - Calvin Harris MONEY: Last year I ran for ME but this year I have a better cause. Clean water for Africa. I have had the priviledge of seeing a water well go in in Tanzania and see the faces of the people who are delighting in it. A healthy convenience we take for granted. This past week in our city we had a water main pipe break. We were told our water could be contaminated. So, it didn't really change my life. I grabbed a few water bottles from my garage cupboard and was fine for a few days. At mile 4 in Chicago I remember the sea of orange World Vision shirts and grabbed a bottle of water they were handing out. I carried it throughout the whole race and now I run with a bottle of clean water to remind myself why I'm training, remind myself why I'm running, remind myself why I'm fundraising. What a great cause! My three M's: I run to motivate, I run to listen to my music, and I run to raise money for clean water in Africa!