A Mother's work is never done

I love to bird watch! There, I said it!  This shows my age and quite possibly gives away what I do with my time. I watch them build their nests, I watch them perch in their nests and I love how the male and female work tirelessly to feed their babies until they fly away all independent like. Now I'm feeling very insignificant.  Do I work that tirelessly for my family?
 We are entering a weekend where kids make you great cards and say endearing things about their mother.  I love it.  Sometimes it's forced (Scott has to remind them) and other times they are so candid.  I came across a letter the other day that was typed out and listed the jobs I do to make this child's life better.  Making lunches, doing their laundry, being their personal chauffeur.  Everything I really love doing. I've been a housewife for 22 years.  I always wanted to be a housewife that is industrious, disciplined, creative, and  I strive to be make our house comfortable.
 I glance out the window and watch these two robins swoop in to feed their babies.  This nest has been created and added to for about 5 years.  Both the dad and mom feed the babies about 35-40 times a day (I googled that) and they work together.  I have watched the babies in past years fly away for the first time and both parents feed them and stay close to make sure they are doing alright.
 I'm glad Mother's Day lands on a Sunday when Jacob is home from college and  I get to celebrate with all three of my children.  I love that they get along, love to try new things and have experienced a lot in their short lives.  I love getting a 'birds eye view' of their growth and happy to take care of their needs while they are living in my 'nest'.  This same weekend we are celebrating our 22nd anniversary and Scott's 44th birthday.  His mother, Margaret, got to celebrate Mother's Day in the hospital giving birth to her second child.  Although, Margaret isn't with us anymore I know she was a fantastic mother.  She raised such a great boy who respected his elders and became smart, responsible and grew to love God because of her influence.  A mother's love is a strong thing and I don't want to take it for granted.  I'm thankful I have the best job ever!
The robin mama is done feeding at the moment and now sitting on her babies, keeping them safe and warm.  Man, would I love to keep my babies home .... like forever!  Not!  I really do enjoy every stage my kids grow into.  I loved them at age two (the baby stage was not my favorite) at 6, at 10, even entering their sassy teen years.  I love them when they don't want to talk to me and welcome them when they do.  I can't wait to see them as parents one day and will enjoy being a grandma (like when I'm 60).  Parenting is hard work but so rewarding.  A shout out to my mom who gave me confidence and security in knowing who I am.  My mom made me tough and even though she wants me to slow down now in life, she always supported my athletic endeavors.  I want to be a Grandma like her who loves her 14 grand kids and says silly things and gets away with it.  Me at 80 folks.  But on this Mothers Day I must remember Zoe's birth mom.  I'm sure not a day goes by that she doesn't think of Zoe.  I owe her so much but I'm the one who gets to marvel at how much she has grown and learned.  I get to laugh at her knock knock jokes and beam as she wakes up dry without pull ups on in the morning.  It's an amazing gift to raise all three children and I don't want to take that for granted.  May Zoe's birth mom have peace about her decision and love on her other children who help her with daily life.
 The mama robin sits back down after another feeding.  She seems content and on guard for another day of protection.  In the book of Matthew, Jesus is talking about worrying and how it doesn't add any time to our life if we do it.  He reminds us about how much God cares for the birds.

 Matthew 6:26  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

It has been thirty years since I've known Scott Clode, twenty-two years of being his wife, and almost 19 years of being a mom and  love overwhelms me right now.  How cool that we all have a purpose here on earth.  I want to take that attitude into all I do.

Drifting Off To My Happy Place

'Take me to my happy place' was the recurring theme throughout our 'experience' at the salon yesterday.  Usually going to the salon is relaxing.   I personally get my hair done in my neighbor's home salon and always have a very enjoyable time chatting and getting caught up.  Well, this wasn't for me and it was a new place I thought we could try to get Zoe's hair braided for vacation.  Up until now, I have washed and styled my daughter's hair.  I'm no expert.  Even with Blaire's hair I never learned to braid any fancy style.  Well, Zoe's hair is different.  I love reading about other friends on Facebook who are going through the same thing with their adopted children.  Success stories and shameless photos of the finished product is always encouraging.  However, the beautiful end result comes with sweat and tears.  I thought if I went to a salon and had someone who had experience with braiding African American hair we could be done with little pain.  Zoe cries at the mention of getting her hair done.  If I tell her it's bath time she always asks, 'and hair?' She's relieved when I reply that it's just a bath, no hair.  Yesterday, I had to take her braids out first before we got in the car and drove 25 mins away.  I could tell she didn't like this unknown destination and kept telling me she's scared.  (a break your heart moment right?) The young lady, ready to conquer the task, has been doing her siblings' hair since she was 12.  She wasn't overly talkative but with mom standing in front of Zoe, holding an iPad and feeding her snacks, we tried to bear through it.  The lady at the front desk interrupted us after 15 mins and told me if she continues to cry we will have to leave.  Stress factor #1.  This young girl started out doing the design I wanted (that was really simple) but ended up with 15 braids - and that was just the top part of her head!  Stress factor #2!  Doesn't she realize taking these braids out is just as stressful?  I was wishing to melt away to my happy place.  Someplace warm, of course.  A place where I have no responsibilities and certainly not a place where people are interrupting my peace.  Back to the salon, another lady comes over to try and console Zoe by telling her she needs to be a big girl and not cry.  More women kept trying to offer a better snack - like that's the issue. Yes, it distracted her for a second but only made me sweat more.  I wanted to walk out.   Have you ever been at the grocery store with young kids and they're crying and people walk by and offer their advice on why they are crying?  'Oh, it must be nap time'.  No, they are just having a temper tantrum because I told them no candy!  Another lady in the salon, told me she is stressing out!  Zoe is stressing out! (understatement)  Do you want to see stressing out?  How about the time when I first put Zoe in the bath.  She probably got washed down in a bucket with cold water outside of the orphanage.  No bathtubs there.  How about the time I got her to sit in the tub.  That was stressful.  When I watched a nanny braid her hair in the orphanage and even when we first got her home and we offered up TV and every piece of candy we had.  Nope!  Zoe's hair is thick and curly.  It's beautiful and I love it and I am learning with every hair wash and new style we try to ease up on the tangles.  I keep trying new products because there has to be a miracle cream and conditioner.  Zoe has come such a long way!  We celebrate one year on April 12.  Her Gotcha Day!  My next blog will list all the new challenges she has overcome and experiences this 4 year old has achieved in one short year.  But this hair thing is definitely a lifelong one.  I know she will grow up to appreciate her hair and what we go through (please God).

Three hours and 23 braids later we have the best hair style yet.  But I won't be rushing back.  I learned from this girl and bought a few tools to help me in the future.  This will have to continue to be a private experience so Zoe feels comfortable, so people don't see me sweat and to keep the cost down.  Everyone comments on how cute her fro looks when it's just full and she has a great bow or headband in.  And then every African American tells me, don't do it!  It dries out so quickly and more traumatic to brush out the next day.  Thankfully these hair styles last between 2-3 weeks so we all get a break.  Applaud moms with young children who spend a couple of hours on their girl's hair.   Drifting off to my happy place is fine but this is reality.  I'm not skilled but I try and trying to eliminate the tears - mostly mine.  

Raising kids

It was so great to hang out with all my kids yesterday.  Jacob and Blaire always get along and hearing Zoe squeal from the back seat, 'Are we at Jacob's school yet'?  just amazes me what has transpired in the last 10 months.  I remember back when we first introduced the idea of adoption to the kids.  They were settled with life as it was.  At the time, Jacob wasn't a fan of change, and so we were in the car talking about raising kids and I told him we were thinking about adoption.  I remember his reaction was, 'no, no, no'!  I told him to pray about it.  He was 13 and I knew he would.  We had just moved him from his old neighborhood and school that he was very comfortable in.  We moved churches as well and he seemed to always be in a new environment.  We prayerfully made all those moves and this was no exception.  Blaire just wanted a sister so she was on board. Two weeks later Jacob said he prayed and we should adopt.  Who knew at that time, across the globe, a little girl was born and her father had died around this time.  Her mother struggled to feed her kids and who knows who put the idea of relinquishing her rights in her head but I'm sure it wasn't an easy and quick decision by any means.  That same girl is upset with Jacob four hours later when we have to say goodbye and leave him at college. Today is just a quick lunch visit and she folds her arms in protest but kisses her brother and doesn't understand that he will be home for a break in 6 days.  It makes me cry to see the love that has formed between these two.  Even the look on Blaire's face when she comes home from school every day to get a hug from her new sister.  It doesn't seem so new anymore.  Its regular life in the Clode household.  I think back to some things I tried to instill in my kids growing up.
1. Home is a safe place.  There was no tolerance for sibling rivalry.  They were to respect one another and not call each other names.  'Stupid' was banned from our vocabulary to the point of when I read a book with that word in it I would say 'silly'.  It was hard for me to hear Scott read that same book and he didn't get the word change 'memo'.  LOL.  The kids are friends now and I believe Zoe feels safe here.  We can't control how people treat us in the world so I put up boundaries in our home.
2. God became apart of our everyday life.  I remember getting Jacob dressed for church on a Sunday morning in his suit and tie.  He was 6 years old and he yelled out he hated going to church and he didn't want to go.  My heart sank and I felt like I failed as a mother.  We decided that making him was the answer that day but we also didn't make church the only time he heard about God.  Our kids began to see that worshiping Jesus can be done around the dinner table, through our conversation, or in the car when we can sing to Him.  We began to see that our clothes and when we attended church wasn't the issue.  Prayerfully our kids got to see God work in their lives and I think our whole adoption story has changed their lives forever.
3. Our kids aren't the center of our family.  Let me explain.  I believe God has created marriage forever.  Scott and I were married for three years before Jacob came along.  Having a baby didn't come between Scott and I.  Literally, he didn't sleep between us in our bed.  He needed to respect Daddy and Mommy time and we left him with babysitters and went on vacation once in a while without him ( and Blaire when she came along).  I believe in kids seeing their parents be in control and not the other way around.  This was demonstrated to Zoe day 1.  She would flip out about a lot of things and of course we had to allow her time to feel acclimated and comfortable and safe.  But she never slept in our bed and I stood my ground on how she was treating all of us when she wanted her way.  To make her feel apart of this family I only knew to treat her like the others.  That's why I think she fits in so well. She officially was named Zoe Ayame Clode on Jan.7, 2014.  She goes to preschool, loves singing about Jesus, and loves hanging out with our family and friends.  She gets upset when she has to share her toys because she's four. She is a great eater and knows she has to stay in her seat in a restaurant.  She is learning to dress herself and make her bed.  I'm a mother of three and I'm so proud of all of them.

Inching Forward

I'm amazed at how a little bit of good news can change my attitude.  One minute I'm  grouchy at a slow driver on the road and then I'm praising God when I have a pleasant experience checking out of a store.  My children can make me angry as they rush out the door and leave the milk, cereal and bowl out for me to clean and then they come home with a smile and a story to share about school.  Does this happen to you?  Call it what you will (and don't say female mood swings) but I like it.  It's a swing between your will and God showing up in your life. 
I emailed an update on my adoption yesterday.  There are lots of confidential information that I can't blog about at this point so I keep family in the loop. We are told that some new guidelines that have been put in place have been pushed through for some cases.  Obviously not ours or you would hear about it.  Instead of being disappointed, God has taught me to thank Him in every situation and in every bit of news.  (be it good or bad) But we are inching forward.  Someone got good news about their case and that means one more child is closer to having a new, loving family.  My daughter is in God's care and I sleep at night with that assurance.  Not sure when I began to think this way.  I truly believe it's been a process.  A wise and older family member (that could be any of them because I am the youngest, remember?) told me that they have only gone to God with the 'big' things in life.  But only now, realizing that God enjoys and invites us to 'converse in all facets of life'.  I love this realization.  This is inching forward to a closer walk with God. I guess since I've made some big moves in life I've had to go to Him with every little thing.  Don't get me wrong, it doesn't come natural.  As we get older, life gets harder but hopefully we get wiser.  Wow, that's a whole other topic.  But not for today. 

If you will humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, in His good time He will lift you up. Let Him have ALL your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you. 1 Peter 5: 6-7 TLB