I'm reminded today of the moment I wrestled with God about adoption. It was a time in my life that I could have done anything. I'm a stay at home mom but I could go into leadership in bible study. I had the opportunity to teach kids full time at our church. But God had other plans. I was listening to a former pastor at our church speak one Sunday and the topic was 'Jesus Isn't Quiet'. Dave Nelson said this,"You know when it's Jesus speaking to you when it's something you wouldn't have thought up on your own, and when it just doesn't go away". Wow! You know when I went back to hear the message again he didn't say that part. It stuck with me.
I just finished the book The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Sterns. It challenges readers to get up and do something. You may not know what it is but are you willing? I prayed to God that He would use my life in a mighty way. So God said,'adopt'! And I told God no! Multiple times. I came across magazine articles and pictures of friend's adopted kids and I couldn't shake it. It was everywhere. I kept this from Scott for a few days until I thought if I told him he would tell me I was crazy and put an end to it all. To my surprise, without hesitation, he said,"let's do it"!
This was insane. We were almost 40! Our kids were so settled in their routine and this would mess up room assignments in the house and vacations. I just sold all our toys and books at a garage sale that summer. We have nothing! I'm a planner. Scott and I were going to travel more, do missions together. It was so upside down! It was like I heard God audibly say,"Exactly"! Matthew 16:25-Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me (Jesus) will find it.
I asked God to bring our kids on board and within days Blaire brought it up, all without ever talking about adoption before. Soon Jacob was praying and agreed.
That was over two years ago. I'm challenged again to get up and do something and keep reminding God I already agreed to this adoption. What more does He want? If I'm serious about following Jesus, it's on going. Read the book The Hole in our Gospel but beware. God is on the move.
My adoption update: They are processing cases from the area my daughter is from and her region is next. I read this today. Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Emotional Roller Coaster
I used to be a roller coaster fan! I remember my first experience. I was coaxed by my oldest sister who ensured me I would be alright. Because she would go on with me I put my trust in her at 8 years old....and I survived. Even though this same very old wooden coaster called The Flyer was the place of many accidents on the Exhibition grounds in Toronto. It has since been removed from the Ex.
I had a similar incident with my daughter when she was about 7 or 8 when we dragged her on North America's longest wooden roller coaster (in Ohio). I kept looking back to see if she was ok while most of the time her face was buried into her Daddy's chest. I thought for sure she would cry at the end and be upset with me for telling her she'd be ok. The photo captured during the ride would convince anyone that we were bad parents for taking her on at such a young age. But, Blaire is a strong girl and after she walked off the ride she smiled and said, 'let's go on it again'!
I was reminded of these two incidents when our pastor at church spoke last night and said, 'Truth will lead you to trust every time'. My daughter and I trusted in the truth we heard about our safety. When we read about the disciples riding in a boat with Jesus and a storm threatens their life they freak out and yell, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?". Well, don't I find myself feeling this way when I hear bad news about our adoption case? A sharp turn on the roller coaster and we hear the government is putting things on hold. "Lord, do you not care about us or our daughter?" Then I'm reminded of the truth. Just like the disciples had Jesus, He is watching over us and my daughter. (heading up the exciting hill with anticipation) When I fear and doubt I'm reminded that we have a promise. I know God has our daughter in His hands. His ways are higher than mine. Just when I think I could have a court day tomorrow we dip down on the roller coaster and told now the courts are closed for three weeks. More waiting time.
Every twist and turn in life is the journey. My journey is created just for me. I have to tell myself every day to just strap myself in, sit back and throw my hands up in surrender. Enjoy the ride!
Read Luke 8:22-25 and give God your fear.
Favorite roller coasters: Millenium Force at Cedar Point, The Dragster at Cedar Point, The Beast at Kings Island, The Minebuster at Canada's Wonderland, Fire and Ice at Islands of Adventure, New York New York rooftop coaster in Vegas.
The best by far? Adoption! and Can't wait to see the snapshot of our faces when we get to meet our daugther for the first time.
I had a similar incident with my daughter when she was about 7 or 8 when we dragged her on North America's longest wooden roller coaster (in Ohio). I kept looking back to see if she was ok while most of the time her face was buried into her Daddy's chest. I thought for sure she would cry at the end and be upset with me for telling her she'd be ok. The photo captured during the ride would convince anyone that we were bad parents for taking her on at such a young age. But, Blaire is a strong girl and after she walked off the ride she smiled and said, 'let's go on it again'!
I was reminded of these two incidents when our pastor at church spoke last night and said, 'Truth will lead you to trust every time'. My daughter and I trusted in the truth we heard about our safety. When we read about the disciples riding in a boat with Jesus and a storm threatens their life they freak out and yell, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?". Well, don't I find myself feeling this way when I hear bad news about our adoption case? A sharp turn on the roller coaster and we hear the government is putting things on hold. "Lord, do you not care about us or our daughter?" Then I'm reminded of the truth. Just like the disciples had Jesus, He is watching over us and my daughter. (heading up the exciting hill with anticipation) When I fear and doubt I'm reminded that we have a promise. I know God has our daughter in His hands. His ways are higher than mine. Just when I think I could have a court day tomorrow we dip down on the roller coaster and told now the courts are closed for three weeks. More waiting time.
Every twist and turn in life is the journey. My journey is created just for me. I have to tell myself every day to just strap myself in, sit back and throw my hands up in surrender. Enjoy the ride!
Read Luke 8:22-25 and give God your fear.
Favorite roller coasters: Millenium Force at Cedar Point, The Dragster at Cedar Point, The Beast at Kings Island, The Minebuster at Canada's Wonderland, Fire and Ice at Islands of Adventure, New York New York rooftop coaster in Vegas.
The best by far? Adoption! and Can't wait to see the snapshot of our faces when we get to meet our daugther for the first time.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Safe
How many times have you prayed the prayer, 'Lord, please keep my kids safe'? Probably more times than you can count. Since I've sent my kids on a bus to school (which is only the last 4 years) I've gotten into the habit of praying for the kids on the front porch as I watch the bus drive away. I feel such an overwhelming peace when I pray,'God, I know they are in your hands'. And then I can go about my day.
I guess it's no different when I pray for my daughter every day who I haven't yet met in person. She's 2 and although I pray for her daily, while looking through all the pictures they send me in a monthly update, I question His timing. Why was our court date post-poned? Why can't we bring her home now?
On New Years day I was on the beach in Mexico watching the sun rise by myself. I was being a little more reminiscent on this particular morning with it being a fresh new year and the sights were gorgeous. Sunrise, ocean, beach; it all screams out God's handiwork and I was praising Him for all the good things in life. All of a sudden my thoughts drifted to the other side of the world. All I could see is my daughter's face and I couldn't control the tears. I cried out to God for a word of encouragement. When can I meet her? When will she be home with our family? Is she safe? I had my ipod on and scrolled through my favorite music to hit the right song. A song that God would speak through. I finally turned it off and sat in silence. This is a skill and I don't have it. Be still and know. I bought this verse on a Christmas ornament for my whole family just 8 days prior but haven't come close to mastering it yet. Be still, Bev. I was, and then prompted to turn my ipod back on a while later. It was on shuffle and the song Safe by Phil Wickham came streaming into my ears.
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
It's the one thing I think about most. It was just the comfort I needed. God was telling me 'I got this'!
Ps. 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.
I guess it's no different when I pray for my daughter every day who I haven't yet met in person. She's 2 and although I pray for her daily, while looking through all the pictures they send me in a monthly update, I question His timing. Why was our court date post-poned? Why can't we bring her home now?
On New Years day I was on the beach in Mexico watching the sun rise by myself. I was being a little more reminiscent on this particular morning with it being a fresh new year and the sights were gorgeous. Sunrise, ocean, beach; it all screams out God's handiwork and I was praising Him for all the good things in life. All of a sudden my thoughts drifted to the other side of the world. All I could see is my daughter's face and I couldn't control the tears. I cried out to God for a word of encouragement. When can I meet her? When will she be home with our family? Is she safe? I had my ipod on and scrolled through my favorite music to hit the right song. A song that God would speak through. I finally turned it off and sat in silence. This is a skill and I don't have it. Be still and know. I bought this verse on a Christmas ornament for my whole family just 8 days prior but haven't come close to mastering it yet. Be still, Bev. I was, and then prompted to turn my ipod back on a while later. It was on shuffle and the song Safe by Phil Wickham came streaming into my ears.
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
It's the one thing I think about most. It was just the comfort I needed. God was telling me 'I got this'!
Ps. 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Inching Forward
I'm amazed at how a little bit of good news can change my attitude. One minute I'm grouchy at a slow driver on the road and then I'm praising God when I have a pleasant experience checking out of a store. My children can make me angry as they rush out the door and leave the milk, cereal and bowl out for me to clean and then they come home with a smile and a story to share about school. Does this happen to you? Call it what you will (and don't say female mood swings) but I like it. It's a swing between your will and God showing up in your life.
I emailed an update on my adoption yesterday. There are lots of confidential information that I can't blog about at this point so I keep family in the loop. We are told that some new guidelines that have been put in place have been pushed through for some cases. Obviously not ours or you would hear about it. Instead of being disappointed, God has taught me to thank Him in every situation and in every bit of news. (be it good or bad) But we are inching forward. Someone got good news about their case and that means one more child is closer to having a new, loving family. My daughter is in God's care and I sleep at night with that assurance. Not sure when I began to think this way. I truly believe it's been a process. A wise and older family member (that could be any of them because I am the youngest, remember?) told me that they have only gone to God with the 'big' things in life. But only now, realizing that God enjoys and invites us to 'converse in all facets of life'. I love this realization. This is inching forward to a closer walk with God. I guess since I've made some big moves in life I've had to go to Him with every little thing. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't come natural. As we get older, life gets harder but hopefully we get wiser. Wow, that's a whole other topic. But not for today.
I emailed an update on my adoption yesterday. There are lots of confidential information that I can't blog about at this point so I keep family in the loop. We are told that some new guidelines that have been put in place have been pushed through for some cases. Obviously not ours or you would hear about it. Instead of being disappointed, God has taught me to thank Him in every situation and in every bit of news. (be it good or bad) But we are inching forward. Someone got good news about their case and that means one more child is closer to having a new, loving family. My daughter is in God's care and I sleep at night with that assurance. Not sure when I began to think this way. I truly believe it's been a process. A wise and older family member (that could be any of them because I am the youngest, remember?) told me that they have only gone to God with the 'big' things in life. But only now, realizing that God enjoys and invites us to 'converse in all facets of life'. I love this realization. This is inching forward to a closer walk with God. I guess since I've made some big moves in life I've had to go to Him with every little thing. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't come natural. As we get older, life gets harder but hopefully we get wiser. Wow, that's a whole other topic. But not for today.
If you will humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, in His good time He will lift you up. Let Him have ALL your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you. 1 Peter 5: 6-7 TLB
Monday, January 9, 2012
A New Year, a new endeavor
I began to write this entry on January 1 but was in Mexico and couldn't get my blog up and running. Regardless, it's still a new day, a new year and I have new goals and new endeavors. I love fresh starts. It brings me back to when I was a kid and I moved in grade 8 (first sign I'm Canadian, I know) and had to meet new friends. I took up a new sport (basketball) and fit in to a new crowd. Life at 13 was good. New endeavors have been a big part of my life, especially when we moved our family to the U.S. and had to find a new house, new neighborhood, new friends and a new church.
So, why blog? I stay at home and volunteer in my kid's schools and in our church. I'm not a linguist by any stretch of the imagination. My sixteen year old blows me out of the water in this department. I thought about blogging so much that my answer kept being, 'why not blog'. Well, I have a couple reservations. A huge one is that I've been known to be a little on the private side. I don't let you in until we really get to know each other. On vacation I was reading the forward of a book by Kay Warren called Dangerous Surrender. This statement jumped out at me; 'you can impress people from a distance but to deeply influence others you must allow them to get close to you'.
Another reason is that I don't always think my thoughts are worthy of sharing. Sounds like a lack of confidence. I have confidence in so many areas of my life but I guess growing up as the youngest of 5 makes me sometimes want to take the 'back seat' (literally in our '78 station wagon). I was reminded of the movie Julie and Julia. Where a young woman sets out to create a new dish by Julia Child every day for one year. Her passion attracted many readers. My faith in Jesus Christ has always been apart of my upbringing, and as an adult it has become an essential element to my life. The Bible has been my lifeline and so many of my thoughts, experiences, and decisions I've made for my life reflect God's guidance.
Our newest adventure is following God's call to adopt and so this is my journey worth unfolding. I was reading a fitness magazine and came across a life coach's book called Your Journey Matters. So, there you have it. We all have stories to tell.
So here's me embracing the blogging world.
2 Corinthians 5:20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.
So, why blog? I stay at home and volunteer in my kid's schools and in our church. I'm not a linguist by any stretch of the imagination. My sixteen year old blows me out of the water in this department. I thought about blogging so much that my answer kept being, 'why not blog'. Well, I have a couple reservations. A huge one is that I've been known to be a little on the private side. I don't let you in until we really get to know each other. On vacation I was reading the forward of a book by Kay Warren called Dangerous Surrender. This statement jumped out at me; 'you can impress people from a distance but to deeply influence others you must allow them to get close to you'.
Another reason is that I don't always think my thoughts are worthy of sharing. Sounds like a lack of confidence. I have confidence in so many areas of my life but I guess growing up as the youngest of 5 makes me sometimes want to take the 'back seat' (literally in our '78 station wagon). I was reminded of the movie Julie and Julia. Where a young woman sets out to create a new dish by Julia Child every day for one year. Her passion attracted many readers. My faith in Jesus Christ has always been apart of my upbringing, and as an adult it has become an essential element to my life. The Bible has been my lifeline and so many of my thoughts, experiences, and decisions I've made for my life reflect God's guidance.
Our newest adventure is following God's call to adopt and so this is my journey worth unfolding. I was reading a fitness magazine and came across a life coach's book called Your Journey Matters. So, there you have it. We all have stories to tell.
So here's me embracing the blogging world.
2 Corinthians 5:20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)